For someone who is as fearful of death, dazzled by life’s biggest questions and as cynical as me, waiting for so long has been completely understandable. I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of it all for many years now; to grasp the essence of life in its most indescribable sense; to experience the ultimate truth; to finally have the revelation.

What I found on my past-life regression was so profound and life changing that I will carry it with me for the rest of my life.

 

It was an experience that, above everything, is very hard to put into words

 

The journey leading to this experience in past-life regression has been a very bumpy road, full of all sorts of sellers of imaginary worlds. But regardless of the experience, be it completely mind-blowing or utterly boring, I was always pleased for at least having tried it. I am positive that somewhere along the way, I will find something that speaks my inner language and gets me past this turmoil of desire to understand.

Past life regression was revelatory in a way and saddening in another. Looking back at the whole experience, I can say it was both enriching and disappointing at the same time. And that paradox alone is pretty conflicting still. I guess I have plenty of reasons for feeling this way. The two-month waiting list, the crazy-early appointment time (I was scheduled at seven in the morning because the therapist did these sessions before and after her daily job), the fact that it was free (she said she finds it unfair to ask for money because she is just a guide assisting souls through their journey); it made everything seem very real and weighted pretty heavily on my expectation scale. In fact, my expectations were so high that disappointment was simply inevitable.

 

It will be different from anything you ever imagined

 

Everything I ever expected to experience couldn’t have been further from the truth. As I left the therapist’s studio, I remembered all the scenarios that rambled through my mind the night before the session. I couldn’t sleep at all, thinking of what’s about to follow. And suddenly, as I sat there in the morning sun, it all seemed incredibly hilarious.

I waited for so long to do this because I thought it was going to be so life-changing that maybe I need to be more in control of my life before I try something so extreme. I thought it would be so extreme that I would actually have the unimaginable chance of going through what would feel like physical death. And I would do this while I am alive, guided and supported by the warm voice of a therapist.

I thought I would get to feel Death in the most authentic and palpable sense and that I would finally (finally!) accept everything as is - an eternal cycle of hope and despair that will come to an end once I have learned all the lessons. I couldn’t have been further away from what the experience was actually all about.

No, you will not experience death in a therapist’s office. I read and heard about people who screamed and kicked while in trance, of people that sweat in pain. I did not experience any of that.

 

It’s a conscious trance which means that yes, you are fully conscious

 

conscious trance

 

The therapist explained the whole process (or journey as she called it) in as much detail as possible. She did it with so much patience and empathy that by the time we finished our talk I can honestly say I was no longer afraid, just enthusiastic about what I was about to experience.

Basically, I lay down on a bed and she started with a 10 minute guided meditation that relaxed me into what she called an alpha state. This state would supposedly allow me to gain access to memories from one or more past lives and describe my interaction in the spirit world in between lives. She constantly asked my soul for permission to reveal information to my conscious self. She guided me through the major moments of the previous life I seemed to remember. She also guided me in asking my spiritual guide the questions I came with, by repeating them to me when my spiritual guide was near. I had seven questions that were mostly related to death, current relationships, and what this life’s mission was all about.

The surprise came right when I figured that this alpha state was as conscious as when you’re wide awake and struggling to fall asleep. Your body is relaxed, your breaths are rarer and deeper but your mind is sharp as if you just had the strongest espresso. And that’s when I also figured that I am not in what I thought was going to be ‘a hypnotic trance’. 

It was actually nothing but a game of imagination my present mind would have to concoct. I decided on the spot that I will play along and see where this takes me. And somehow, as soon as I uttered the first thing that popped into my mind, that instantly imagined memory suddenly seemed real. Most of the stuff I said seemed real like that. The rest was just ‘I am not sure’, ‘I can’t figure it out’, or ‘I can’t really explain it’.

One thing is clear though. The hour and a half that I spent that early morning in regression trance had certainly not been in any way traumatic like I feared. It had not been intrusive, and mainly it had been like nothing I could have ever anticipated. The first thought I had when I left the building was to sit in the sun and let everything sink in.

This urge to be in the sun engulfed me the second I opened my eyes after the regression was over. It was a completely inexplicable feeling; that, and the fact that I had this crazy sensation that I am actually dreaming. I found the nearest coffeehouse that had a terrace in the sun and I decided to take as long as I needed to make sense of what just happened. So, I stood there silently for an hour, taking in all the conflicting feelings.

 

There’s euphoria

 

euphoria from past life regression

 

On one side there was definitely euphoria. A foreign feeling of euphoria that makes you feel free and light and wise, with absolutely no thought attached to it. It was not the feeling of a well-deserved prize I just won. There was no pride involved. I couldn’t collect my thoughts in such a way that would give reasoning a chance to explain why.

Maybe it was just the consequence of having been in a trance for over an hour. Maybe if I could meditate for over an hour without peacefully going to sleep right in the middle of it, I would feel the same way every day. Nonetheless, the feeling was real and had a strangely beautiful rawness to it that is very hard to put into words.

 

And there’s also sadness

 

On the other hand, there was utter sadness because everything I ever worried about or had power over me, my career, my friends and family, my own habits, everything suddenly seemed of so little value. And it was precisely that little value that came with a sense of freedom that freed me like a charm from all possible anxiety.

This anxiety-free state lasted for about three full days during which I realized the precise power that fear has always had over me. It actually shaped made me into who I was, it created my personality more than anything else. Living without it for a couple of days made me realize that I was not my personality. I was something way deeper than that, something that had nothing to do with my daily most intimate thoughts and feelings, something that went beyond my most basic definition of self.

Fear, in general, had been such an enormous force in my life that once I experienced life without it, it felt as if I had suddenly lost something. It was as if I lost a part of myself, and with that loss came the confusion of not knowing what’s left of me without it. If this is a common effect of the whole regression process, then I wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone out there who wants to experience life fear-free. It’s incredible even if just for a few days.

 

The past life I remembered

 

I recalled a single life, of a somber, rigorous man who appeared to have lived thousands of years ago and who was so obsessed with control and righteousness that he never allowed himself to show any emotion. He died alone in a round room without having expressed his emotions to any of his loved ones.

Unsurprisingly, my mission for this current life was to express emotions, something that has been indeed challenging for me all my life. Suddenly it all made perfect sense. I concluded that I had chosen the perfect family for that, my mother who had been my wife in this long-forgotten life and my father who had been my youngest child. As crazy as all this information seemed, I sincerely believed (and still do) every word of it. It simply feels like it cannot be otherwise.

 

I honestly thought I met my spiritual guide

 

spiritual guide

 

There was this crazy unusual ‘meeting’ with what the therapist called my spiritual guide. It was this being I perceived as not human, and whom I encountered right after my last life was over. The interaction we had is simply impossible to put into words. It was not based on emotions or on reason. I couldn’t utter what he told me because I couldn’t feel nor think about what he communicated. I didn’t know what that was but it felt like the most extraordinary thing I ever experienced.

 

The answers I was given (or I gave myself)

 

The answers to my list of questions were things I had already known. It felt as if I have answered them from a deeper state of lucidity though as if I was able to look at my life with another pair of eyes. And they seemed to have been the eyes of someone who could actually see me with a clarity that I didn’t have.

I also experienced this revelatory feeling that we’re part of something bigger, so vast and so complex that it’s simply impossible to have it revealed through past-life regression only. It was as if I was given a tiny chance to look through a keyhole and steal a glimpse of the unseen. It also felt like I needed a lot more practice, openness, and awareness before gaining a deeper understanding of the spiritual world. But I am on the right track.


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